You Already Know

What pregnancy has been teaching me:

JJ Heller’s song, You Already Know, has been ringing in my ears these past few months.

Michael and I found out we were pregnant in December 2019. Everything was new and exciting and every Drs appointment was joy-filled. Now, between all the uncertainty in the world and my own “first time mom” worries (ie: is the baby moving too much? Why isn’t the baby moving as much as he did yesterday? He’s measuring small, was it something I did? Who will he be? Will he love the Lord? Will he be healthy? Will he be early or late? etc.)

Some days I don’t know which way is up.

My thoughts weigh me down and my mind wonders down every “what if situation.” I try and fail to stay afloat on on my own strength. I reason though things in my mind and try to regain that control by reading or asking questions or talking it through, but those are just a temporary fix.

The one thing I am learning on repeat is this: I can do nothing without Christ.

I cannot slay the “fear dragon” that stalks me. I cannot conquer my worry. I cannot find lasting peace. I need to continue to run to the throne of grace and cast my cares at the feet of Jesus. Why oh why do I have to keep learning this lesson? Why do I try to do it all on my own? I know I will always fall short.

I am thankful to serve a God who knows the end from the beginning. I need to learn to simply trust him. Why does the old hymn go “simply trusting thee Lord Jesus”? It sounds simple. It looks simple. So why is it so hard to do?

A friend shared a prayer with me recently that has been an important part of my day. I re-wrote it below:

“Father, My heart is anxious and I feel overwhelmed. But you are the God who takes me by the hand and says, “do not fear, I will help you.” (Isaiah 41:13). Your world promises that you will rescue, protect, answer and deliver those that love you. (Psalm 91:14-16). And that when we are burdened we can find out rest in you. (Matt 11:28). I may feel alone in my feelings of overwhelm today, but your word promises me that you will never leave me or forsake me. (Joshua 1:5). Teach me Lord to take each thought that does not align with your truth, captive. (2Cor 10:5). To be still and know that you are God, (Ps 46:10). Because your word says that those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength: they shall mount up with things like eagles: that shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31). Amen.”

I don’t know who the original author is, but this prayer has helped me to reset my mind, daily, on the truth of God’s word and his promises in my current struggle.

I know this is a daily battle. I am thankful for friends who point me to Christ, but I am more thankful for a God who saves sinners like me. A God who will not leave me or forsake me but holds me tightly in his hands. He is faithful, and he will see me through!

(Thank you to my mom for helping me take some “maternity photos”) :)

I also wanted to shared here the words to the song I referenced above:

You Already Know By JJ Heller, David Heller, and Leslie Jordan

“Everything around me seems uncertain

My weary heart can’t take much more surprise

I wish there was a point on the horizon

Something I could see with my own eyes

I need tell you that I’m scared

I feel completely unprepared

And nothing’s what it was two weeks ago

But You already know

You already know

Everything I’m scared of

Everything I hope

You hold my tomorrow

And all tomorrow holds

You already know

I can’t seem to find the easy answers

Someday I hope the suffering makes sense

I just need to know that you are with me

Even if you keep me in suspense

And we talk so much these days

Because I have so much to say

You stay and listen to me closely even though

Whatever I’m feeling

Whatever is coming

Whenever the ending

You’re already there

You go before me

You go behind me

Wherever I’m going

You’re already there”